It's possible that I am well on my way to becoming a bitter old lady. My cup has always been more empty than full. (I wish, I wish, I wish I were an eternal optimist. Alas.) But lately a certain Scroogyness is becoming more apparent. I swear under my breath at people who don't use their blinkers, I pick fights with the Mister over how tightly he screws on the lids to our condiments, and I nearly had to restrain myself after reading this post by Girl's Gone Child on Babble. Why someone else's maternal bliss should incite such ugly and unchecked anger in me, I'm not exactly sure.
I think it's because I have struggled since the birth of my wonderful children to find the joy in motherhood that seems to come so naturally to others. Oh, I love to sniff their hair and nibble their toes. I am entranced by their cleverness and agog at their beauty. But I am just as often trying my darnedest to get away from them, the little hellions. I often feel worn to a nub, disappointed in my mother-instinct, bored, exhausted, and snappish. I wish I didn't. I wish I found being a mother one long and constant journey down Bliss Boulevard. I wish I had more patience and generosity and gentle mom-wisdom to impart. I wish I sometimes made macaroni and cheese from scratch.
And this doesn't help:
In the grocery story, 11 am.
OLIVER (within easy earshot of all the nice people in the produce section): Mommy, you need to buy some wine.
ME: Not today, sweetie.
OLIVER: But Mommy, you really love wine. You really like it a lot.
ME (voice pitched high): Oh, I do, do I? Ha, ha. Well, we don't need any today.
OLIVER: But, mommy you love to drink wine. You need to buy wine.
A thing I like
Hey! Blogging is all in the family now. The Mister just launched the new blog for Green Apple Books & Music called The Green Apple Core. Check out his first post in which he artfully combines a poem (read by him) and some video (taken with his favorite new toy, the Flip). Also, buy lots of books so we can send our kids to college.
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5 comments:
Oh, Samantha. You are singing my song. Who are those women who find such bliss in being a mom?! I found it to be very hard work. Now, being a Nonna - that's the best. ; )
duuuuuuuude. i am sorry if that GirlsGoneChild is one of your blog readers but that link you posted made me want to VOMIT. ick! why do even READ that kiddieporn-shite? and "Fable"? whatever.
no, no. it's so much more interesting to be the kind of mom whose kids are on their way to Al-Anon meetings before hitting kindergarten. drink wine. stop reading smug-mommy blogs. do some leg-lifts on the stairs and kiss your cabbages for me. got it??
PS. also, if "Fable" ever travels to italy, people will pronounce her name ("Fah-bleh") which is really awkward sounding. "Oliver" and "Maggie" on the other hand, are names that can travel even OUTSIDE of Northern California (assuming that's where the blissful "flabdomen" lives...)
Ha! Love you, HBW! And BTW, the easier of my 2 children was in rehab by age 17. You just don't know, do you?!
Love the wine remark. I hear the same thing all the time. I was unloading groceries once and the bag broke on the driveway. I cursed and Xavier muttered under his breath "Good thing the wine didn't break."
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