Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Disneyland sounds pretty good right about now, or How motherhood has turned me into a total wimp

This is a picture of the place that I'm so scared of

It's 5:31 am.  I've been up since about 3:40, when Oliver woke me by falling out of the new big kid bed and clunking his noggin on the floor. He was fine, a little hugging and a re-tuck-ining and he was back to sleep.  I, on the other hand, do not go quite so easily into the good night.  I like to lie in bed stressing out about our upcoming trip to Mexico, the one I do not want to go on.  Woven into my exhausted visions of tragedy and discomfort (how am I supposed to bathe them? Where will they nap?)  are weird calculations about how much fabric it will take to make closet curtains, and what a text block of 40 words looks like.  It's like one of those horrible Scrabble dreams or crossword nightmares where all night long you dream fitfully of letters and tiles and points.  Ugh. 
Motherhood, it seems, has turned me into a total wuss.  I have traveled all over Mexico by junked out bus, slept in trucker motels, eaten Guinea pig in Ecuador, slept on ant-infested dirt in Panama.  But that was when it was just me.  And that was back when I could sleep in if the ants kept me up.  
Now I have two kids to think about and I have the havoc those two kids can wreak on my life when we lack sleep or comfort or diversion.  Suddenly Mexico seems like way more trouble than it's worth and I totally get places like Disneyland and Club Med (songs for the kiddies and drinks in exchange for beads).  I don't like that I've turned out this way.  Honestly I thought there would be way more of the loosey-goosey mellow-yellow about me as a parent.  Alas, here I am.  Next stop: drip dry, elastic waist pants and a money belt.
What keeps you up at night? Tell me.  I need company.

A thing I like
Art by Mary Emma Hawthorne, who I discovered through Big Happy Orange.  Lovely and way out of my price range.  But wouldn't it be nice to have big white walls and honey-colored floors and these paintings on the wall?


Anonymous said...

Pete totally had some artwork like that from high school...my dad probably still has it in the "garage" and my mom would be thrilled to pass it on! Thoughts about all I need to get done in the office keep me up at night along with imagining Bethany as a teenager. Apparently, she is nearly a "tween" YIKES! She's in 2nd grade and most of the kids in her class (or so she tells me) got either IPODs or cell phones for XMAS. UNBELIEVABLE. Then I was up last night worrying about Tyler's first day at new school today (Goddard school...it's going to be awesome I hope...at least there is no TV there!) And the night before, I did not need to stay up worrying b/c Tyler woke up 5 times and Bethany was up once. So maybe tonight I'll worry about when I will EVER catch up on my sleep. I've been philosophical since the new year since 2009 I will turn 40. My 20s were all about me and having fun. My 30s were all about kids and sleep deprivation (and the joys of kids too!) I just wonder what the 40s may bring.

Anonymous said...

BTW, I vowed not to take my kids to disney until they were older than 4, did not nap, and did not need stroller. Went there a few years back for conference, during the 9 pm fireworks show watched a kid about 3-ish lying on the cement in disney (YUCK) clutching his stroller wheel and sobbing...tell me where is the magic there?

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