Sunday, June 21, 2009

FAQs about Venice

FAQs about my trip to Venice.

Q. Did you row an outrigger canoe in the Adriatic with a bunch of Italian jocks after a two-hour lunch of prosecco and fried fish?
A. Yes.

Q. Did you and H. hold hands like school girls everywhere you went?
A. Yes, when we weren't hanging on each other like teenagers.

Q. Did you visit the world's oldest Jewish ghetto and did H. try to seduce an orthodox Yeshiva student while there?
A. Yes.

Q. Was she successful?
A. No, but we did eat an incredible kosher meal.

Q. Did you ride a bike down the length of the Lido after a two hour lunch of prosecco and fried fish?
A. Yes, but it was pasta with crab.

Q. Did you miss your kids?
A. Yes.

Q. Did you miss them so much it ruined your trip?
A. Not even close.

Q. How was that free apartment you had?
A. Perfect. Not fancy but in a perfect location near Santo Stefano and San Samuele with a view of the rooftops.

Q. Who's the dude?
A. His name is Fulvio. I have no idea why he liked us so much, but he did. We liked him too. He plays the trumpet and owns the newspaper stand that his grandfather owned. He showed us all sorts of locals-only things about Venice, like how it's impossible to scoot around the fourth column of St. Mark's without falling. We tried it. It is impossible.

Q. Didn't your eyes start to hurt from all the beauty?
A. As a matter of fact, they did. But it was nothing a glass of prosecco and a fried sardine couldn't cure.

Q. What did you buy?
A. Not that much, actually. A cute tote bag (see above) from a textile designer we met, some antique glass samples from Murano at a flea market we went to, some soccer sweatshirts for my kids, some Band-Aids for my foot after I sliced it open on those barnacles.

Q. Did you and H. get along?
A. It was like having a sexless affair. We more than got along, we were in love. Venice will do that to a person.

Q. It sounds like you ate a lot of fried fish. Did you get fat?
A. Um, what do you think? But I started kinda fat too.

Q. Did you fantasize about moving your whole family to Venice?
A. Yes, constantly.

Q. But how would you make a living?
A. I'm thinking if we go soon, while the kids are still cute, they would make great street urchins.

More questions about Venice, the most beautiful city on Earth? Ask away. I could go on all day.


Susannah said...

You forgot to answer the most important question of all: how can I go to Venice right this very minute and have that same stunning vacation (without the sardines as sadly I do not like fish)?

MirandaJ said...

sigh. a vicarious vacation is almost as good as a real one. thanks for doing it up the right way.

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